Mike's got some pretty good stories but this one has to take the cake:
The other doctor patient exchange I found a little more amusing went something like this:
(All behind a drawn curtain ' thank God)
Doctor: What brings you in today'
Patient: My ankles.
Doctor: What happened'
Patient: Well, you see, my socks wouldn't stay up so I used some duct tape and taped them to my skin and socks so they would stay up.
(My first mistake was I looked at Sandy and we were both thinking the same thing' taped on socks)
Patient: I took the tape off and the skin was all raw and I wanted to have it form a scab so I put some talcum powder on it.
Doctor: How long was the duct tape on'
Patient: About a week.
(Now that paints a couple pictures. Either feet in socks that haven't been washed in a week or he is showering with the duct taped on socks)
Doctor: One week continuously'
Patient: (long pause) well.
Doctor: More than a few days'
Patient: Yes
Patient: So after a while I noticed this really, really bad smell and that is when I decided to come in.
Doctor: Yes' It looks like there is some puss under the skin.
Patient: No, it is more like this bloody watery fluid. I know because I cut into it. Actually that is when I noticed the extremely bad smell. It smells like rotten flesh.
(I had to leave the room at this point because I wasn't going to be able to contain my laugher because he kept going on and on about the smell. When I came back in I noticed the room didn't smell hospital fresh.)
Doctor: Ok, we'll freeze it up and get this cleaned up
Patient: Can't you just take a scalpel to it' It's ok because I feel absolutely nothing down there.
Doctor: Ummm' no we'll freeze it first.
Yeah sure, I'm probably being insensitive because it sounds like the situation is pretty serious but holy cow, the guy duct taped on his socks and left them there for a week (at least that is what he admitted too). Duct tape!