I don't know if it's my age showing, but I find myself searching more and more for meaning in my career. I'm not interested in working meaningless jobs on large projects that aren't going anywhere. I'm tired of playing politics and dealing with bureaucratic systems that throw up artificial obstacles in the name of "due diligence". And I'm definitely finished with trying to build a team in a corporate culture that doesn't support it.
All of these are things that I've done. To some extent, you may have also done them (or more) at some point. But what I find peculiar is that I use to get a buzz from them. I used to get excited about going into a company and changing it, even if that change had to come in spite of the company itself. And, to a certain extent, I was successful in this endeavor. However, success is fleeting and all of these cultures eventually crashed to the ground like the blocks in a game of Jenga.
And so, like somebody that's frustrated at Jenga, I've decided to take a break.
I've been on this break for two weeks now and I plan to continue it until the end of the summer. I've taken a couple of interviews here and there but my current plan is to take some time to really think about what I want to do.
Actually, that's not quite right - I do know what I want to do: I want to work with software development teams to create kick-ass web applications for external customers.
That is:
- I want to coach these teams to help them understand how to grow and adapt new processes pragmatically
- I want to lead these teams around obstacles and teach them how to lead themselves
- I want to manage these teams by working one-on-one with each of the team members to gain trust and inspire confidence
- I want to manage projects to deliver working software within constraints while focussing on the highest priority features
- I want to work with customers who expect delivery and are willing to tell the team what the product looks like
In short, I want to make a difference.
I've spent too much time in the last ten years trying to minimize risk. If I wasn't interested in working for a company anymore, I bided my time until the next opportunity came along, even if it wasn't quite right. By taking a bigger risk and completely breaking the continuity of my employment chain, I'm hoping that I'll be able to make a better choice and find that spot where I can make a difference.
Change is a good thing. That's really easy to say but not necessarily easy for most people to do. I'll be posting throughout the summer on my journey so I hope you'll stick around to read along.
Image credit: william.n